Aphantasia — and Why I Cannot Paint Without a Reference
A record of how I discovered I have aphantasia, and how it appears to interact with the way I see the world. This is self-reported and not clinically verified — I'm recording it as honestly as I can.
WHAT I DISCOVERED
When I learned that most people can close their eyes and see vivid, colorful mental images, I was genuinely surprised. I had no idea that was possible.
For me, there is nothing. No color. No image. Just blank.
This is why I cannot paint without a reference photo. There is simply nothing to paint from. If I cannot see it in front of me, it does not exist visually for me.
HOW MY CASE COMPARES
| Typical person | Typical Aphantasia | My case | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Mental imagery | Vivid and colorful | Absent | Absent |
| Object recognition | Automatic | Automatic | Absent |
| What reaches consciousness | Concepts and labels | Concepts and labels | Raw light, shadow, and color |
| Can paint from imagination | Yes | Partly | No |
WHAT I DON'T KNOW
Whether these two things are related, or simply coexist in me, I cannot say. I am not a scientist.
I am recording what I observe, and leaving it here for anyone in vision science who might find it worth looking into.
